Evidently, my last post got under a few "anonymous" people's skin :) Ha! Honestly, I expected it. When you've been around the blog/adoption world for a while, you learn alot of the "hot" topics that might make people upset. Sometimes you don't post because of it...sometimes you just don't care. I knew that there would be people who didn't agree with my decision about Gracie and school. Guess what??? They don't live in my house every day....they don't invest the time, prayer, and love into my child...they don't get a say. Guess what else? Gracie had an amazing day today...at school...3 of her whole 9 hours a week...in school. :)
You are more than welcome to have an opinion that is different than mine. I think you should write about it on your own blog. In fact, you should send me the link. I even promise to not personally attack you anonymously because that would be rude.
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34 comments:
As a single mom - my daughter started school (day care-she was 14 months old) about a week after we went home - that was only for 30 mins then 1 hr then 2 etc...by the time I went back to work (after fmla) - she loved it - loved running to mama - loved having children to play with all day ! You do what feels right (which I know you do) Adorable !
Carol in FL
That's why I don't allow annonymous comments! People act mean and ugly for the sake of acting mean and ugly. So sad.
And for the record, I thought it was a great post. I completely respect what you wrote and your reasoning.
KK
Jen,
This has been bothering me all day... Why do people feel they need to judge and say hurtful things to someone they don't even know? Do they know your heart? Do they talk to you on the phone often like I am blessed to do? Do they Skype with you? Have they met Gracie Joy? Have they been blessed to be loved by your awesome family and extended family? I am guessing, NOT! You and I both know that Gracie would not be at school if you felt it was better for her to stay behind.. In fact, you were not even thinking you would send them so quickly.. But clearly, your dynamic duo were ready to take the pre-school world on!!!! I know from experience that you can't leave one behind!!! In no time, Gracie will be in the Christmas concert singing her heart out with her sister!!! And, with a great big smile that her proud family is there to cheer her on! One of the things that is so amazing about you, and I think why anonymous checks in, is because you are REAL!!!!! Thankfully, you only have an audience of ONE my friend!! Keep looking up!
Love you, and those precious girls!!
Hugs,
Di
People should not judge until they have walked in your shoes. You are the parent and doing what you feel is best for YOUR child. If the have a negative opinion, keep it to themselves. I love following along as the girls and family adjust. Thanks for sharing and being honest, wish more people were.
Oooohhhh!!! Annonymous..........Please!!!
Seriously, have you lived in this house....NO.
Do you really know this family.....doubt it.
Do you know what is best for this child.....nope.
Every family is different.
Don't judge.
We all know this Mom is trying to do the VERY best job.
Can't we just try to be positive?
Hahaha!! You go girlfriend!! I am SO proud of you for sticking that ridiculous ole' anonymous in his/her place! Pish... I now love your blog even more!!! You keep doing what you know's best for YOUR baby girl!! With love...
Let's all raise our kids according to a book and not our hearts. Put that way does it make any sence? Murf
Thumper's daddy, in the movie Bambi, put it best..."if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". That pretty well sums it up. Only nice people should be allowed to comment on blogs. It's not like you're blogging to fish for a fight...seriously!
Every child is different. There is no textbook or rule that apply to every child.
I raise my kids according to how ready they are. I use my experience as a guide and YES, I follow my heart.
Sleeping in own room, didn't do it until he was 5 yrs old. Potty training? Started at 1.5 years old and was successful. Maths, he did 100 questions per day and loves it. Art? He colors like a pre-schooler but that's fine.
My point is, MOTHERS KNOW BEST, so just leave it at that.
Jen,
I just want to say that knowing you in real life is a gift. You have taught me so much about being a good Mom through example and through our friendship. Knowing you now for 3 or 4 years, I know you only choose things that you think are best for your children. I so know that about you. I have seen you mother selflessly. It is what you do.
Love you,
Kim
The Pearl River Outreach Team is beyond thrilled that Gracie Joy has found such a beautiful forever family!!!
Blessings!
Christina
Jennifer,
I am so sorry you have been attacked by someone whose opinion isn't even worthy of a name. Let's see, you are a teacher by trade and you have 5 children...humm wonder who knows your children better? I like your spunk!
Sign me not afraid to have my name attached to this comment,
Norah
Jennifer!! ooooooooo girl! You are so good...so so good. Way better than me!
ohhhh my goodness ANONYMOUS!!! I can't even form words...keep reading your books...good luck with that!
mmmmmm mmmmmm mmmmmm wow!
WOW!
Dear Anonymous,
One word for you...COWARD!!
If you want to attack someone, sign your name. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
Ok, that was more than one word, but I'm fired up!!
Jen, it is an honor and privledge to know you and to read your blog and learn from you. You are a wonderful mother and have only the best intentions for Gracie and all of your other kids. You keep loving your babies...and taking pictures too. You AND your kids will cherish those pictures for a lifetime.
P.S. I rewrote this comment like 10 times and each time it became less and less ugly towards "you know who." hehe I definitely had one of those moments where a little devil was on one shoulder and an angel on the other and they were battling it out with my fingers on my laptop.
Clearly you wouldn't be having such a beautiful transition if you were as horrible as anonymous made you out to be. Even if your only reason for preschool was a little peace and quiet, there is NOTHING wrong with that. A mom who isn't taking care of herself won't have as much to give to her family. In my humble opinion, every time you pick Gracie up, she has the opportunity to reaffirm you will always come back for her. She is learning to trust you early on. Kudos to you for doing such a GREAT job raising ALL your children!
raise them from the book and not the heart???
Whatever.....
I don't know you in person, and probably never will. Yes I am an adoptive mom and if I have learned anything from my journey it is to no judge other mom's. Every single child is different, every story is different, every journey is different. You are not the mother of 5 because you savor "time to yourself"
It comes with the territory.
Anon....sign your name if you are going to comment on blogs, especially if you are going to be a critic.
ANONYMOUS,
SHUT UP, AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! NOBODY WELCOMES YOU HERE!!!
JEN, YOU ARE A PERFECT MOTHER WHO LOVES YOUR CHILDREN UNCONDITIONALLY. THE CHINESE GOVT. ALLOWED YOU TO ADOPT GRACE BECAUSE IN THEIR LEGAL BOOK YOU ARE THE PERFECT MOTHER FOR GRACIE. YOU PUT GRACIE IN SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER AND WANT THE BEST FOR HER! GRACIE NEEDS TO BE IN SCHOOL TO COMMUNICATE BETTER, TO INTERACT WITH OTHER CHILDREN AND TO LEARN MORE ABOUT AMERICAN CULTURE. ALL OF THIS WILL HELP HER IMMENSELY LATER IN HER EDUCATIONAL LIFE. I AM AN IMMIGRANT SO I KNOW.
MY THREE YEAR OLD TWINS WENT TO PRESCHOOL AT AGE 3. EVERYDAY THEY SAW THE CLASSROOM, THEY THREW UP FOR THREE MONTHS. HOWEVER, I STILL PUT THEM THERE BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WAS THE BEST FOR THEM. AFTER THREE MONTHS THEY LOVED SCHOOL AND EXCELED. THEY DIDN'T KNOW A WORD OF ENGLISH WHEN THEY STARTED SCHOOL, BUT KNOW THEY ARE IN GIFTED PROGRAM AT THEIR SCHOOL.
JEN, I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, BUT NEVER COMMENT BEFORE. YOUR MOM'S COMMENTS ALWAYS BROUGHT ME TO TEARS! LINDA, YOU ARE THE BEST MOM!! JEN,
YOU ARE THE BEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. ANONYMOUS IS SO JEALOUS OF YOU BECAUSE SHE IS NOT ALLOWED TI ADOPT!!
LOVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
*HOLLY
Don't you love how those people leave comments like that and then not sign their name? UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I just went back and read what was written...... Why do people need to judge and try to tell others how to raise their children?
I am so sorry Jennifer. You are a fabulous Mom....and don't let these nastygrams bring you down.
BTW, the photos Rock!!!
xoxoxo,
Lisa
My 3.5 year old was in school within weeks of coming home. She had been in school 6 days a week since she was 2 years old in China - and it would have been hard for her to not have that interaction with other children.
Add that to the fact that her new sister - 8 months older- was already in school... as well as her 3 older siblings... to "leave her out" would have been the wrong decision on my part!
So.... remember - you are never alone!
In the end, my little one ( 3.5 years later) is smart beyond my understanding and settled and happy.
As for anonymous....if they can not sign their name, they have no conviction in their beliefs... they themselves can not stand behind what they are saying. And yes.... it is RUDE to come to someone else's "house" and pass judgement. Shameful!
By the way.... you have a beautiful family! ... and I was just in Mandeville - and remembered your post when you had a baseball visit. That is where I was born and raised.
Isn't it so sad when people spend their time sitting in judgment of others? I don't allow anonymous comments on my blog for this very reason, but if I did, I about half expected that I would have received some "opinions" on my most recent post. I have a little one that we've had since 2 days old & she was supposed to start preschool...it didn't go well. We, like you, made the best decision we could based on the information WE had. I know some think we should have forced the issue as if we were letting her control the situation. However, WE know what this little girl has been through & based our decision not to keep her in preschool on that.
Parenting any of our children, adopted or not, isn't one size fits all. Our son newly home from Ethiopia began preschool a couple months after coming home at age 4.5& thrived. Go figure. I originally thought I would need to keep him home.
Yay for you!! BTW, I just started reading your blog & am thankful for the encouragement I have found. We are adopting a little girl from China with SB.
I love seeing people get fired up! Sorry it was at your expense. The "meanest" thing someone has said to me (anonymously) was that I was boring. Big surprise there!
I guess I have a few things to say as well :)
1. I don't think you should leave the comments up. I think that you are giving anonymous a platform HERE, when you are right, they can have their own corner of the Internet to post on (& they should!)
2. Like many others have said - lots and lots of parents have to return to work upon adoption! 1/2 of our travel group was 2 working parent families! It's what works for them...obviously their children were going to child care of some sort. It's just realistic.
3. As for the photos - I read once (covert lens) that it is so strange and beautiful and amazing to fall in love with a child through their photo. To study and memorize and adore seeing that little face in a picture. It's how we"gave birth". I think (for me, maybe for you) that is why we love taking their pictures so much! It's how we fell in love with them! Not that I don't enjoy taking pictures of my boys too! There is just something different about it!
All of that to say, keep on keepin' on!! I think it is human nature to make snap judgments, but still sin. Thanks for showing grace!
Xo,
Sara
Amen! I love your boldness and your staying steadfast to what you felt led to do after seeking the Lord. What is best for Gracie may not be best for someone else. We are all different. God knows that and if you sought him out in prayer and felt led to do this you are doing exactly what you should be doing. THe comment is a diversion to knock you off track. Don't entertain it, hold your thoughts captive as the scriptures say to the obedience of Christ and keeping walking out his will.
Very well said sweet friend!!
I don't know why I am surprised at the critical/judgmental nature of people-but sometimes I am. I don't think you should even respond to these anonymous people-they are obviously nuts and not very nice. We all have to live our lives and they need to pay attention to theirs and not worry about yours.
I'm not one to like "drama" or confrontation, at all. I think sometimes people lash out at someone because they themselves have some issues with insecurity and jealousy. And definitely issues with rudeness!!
You go girl! So true, so true.
Courney
I've always believed the old say ..."hurt people, hurt".
Lynette in Laf.
I think you're pretty awesome! Keeping doing "what you do"! Obviously you do it well!!
I hope you are not letting this person's opinion make you think twice about preschool. We all have differing opinions, and that's a good thing. How boring would our world be if we all were the same? My opinion is that if you have to post something anonimously, something is wrong there. It is also my opinion that children who are used to having other children around them, such as an orphanage, adjust better when they are already Gracie's age, when allowed to go to what basically is a "playgroup". You are not throwing your child to the wolves like this silly person made it seem, socializing is soooooo very important and as an adoptive mom and also a preschool teacher, kuddos to you. Also, as fr as blogging and hoping for that perfect picture, let me tell you something, you are documenting beautiful memories for your kids. I wish I had that.
Just remember to bless their heart and remember you are the parent and you know what is best for your child.
You are doing an amazing job with your kids. So proud of you girl!!! Love you!
Hi Jen,
I've been following your blog and think what you have done and are doing is just amazing! You are a great mother to ALL of your kids and it shows! As far as "anonymous" and the school issue, I'd like to add my thoughts. Gracie IS going to have separation and trust issues, but if you were to keep her home with you all the time she would never have the chance to learn to trust that you will come back for her. You can't learn to swim unless you get in the water! You are doing great with them! Just keep doing what you think is best for your children. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
Oh boy! Too many people think their way is the only way.
If you REALLY want to get people going, say something about 'not' co-sleeping with your child. I mentioned that on a list serve one time and did I get slammed!
Seriously! I have nothing against co-sleeping. whatever works for you and your child but co-sleeping was and will not work for my kids or me.
(((HUGS)))
I adopted my girl a Thursday and on the next Monday she was at school... I see no problem at all.
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