Journey to Gracie Joy Part II

*Please understand that I am posting this straight from my journals as I wrote them. Of course, I've changed a couple of things but this is not written with hindsight. The questions and concerns I state here were what I was feeling on that specific day. I love to look back and see how everything comes together!

I thought you'd enjoy a new picture of Miss Gracie!!


12/9 – We find out that Gwynne is in good health and has no day to day problems to deal with. We also feel confident in the fact that God already knows who our daughter is and His ways are higher! If it’s not Gwynne, we’re ok with that.

12/16 – Homestudy is sent for review

12/29 – Homestudy is returned with some changes needed.

12/30- Homestudy is sent back to agency

1/7 – I800A is sent to USCIS. Praying for quick fingerprint appt. and approval!

1/17- We had heard that the January shared list would be released on the 18th (night of 17th in USA). My agency called the CCAA to see if Gwynne’s file would be released with this list. Obviously, we were hoping it would not. At this point, I think the earliest I will be DTC would be in March. We found out that her file would be released that night. I am so sad. It would be a miracle if her file did not get snatched up by someone very quickly. In order for me to have a chance to lock her file, she would have to stay on the shared list for 30 days. I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening. I know that God knows who our daughter will be. I know His ways are higher. I want the child he has for me. I know that I will look back and know why all of this happened as it did. I want Him to close the wrong doors and direct my paths…tonight, though…it sucks!

1/21 – Got a confirmation letter stating that our receipt date for the I800A was January 11.

1/27 - I got a call from my agency today. She tells me that Gwynne is back on the shared list! She doesn’t know how because she had confirmed that someone had submitted a LOI on her. She sent her file to me, and it says her medical condition is much worse than I had thought. Her file says that she does not have control of her bowels. This is conflicting to the report we received previously, so we are going to ask the CCAA for more information. We cannot lock her file until it has been on the shared list for 30 days. That will be 2/18. This means that someone else could come and lock her file before I could. What this also means, though, is that I have some time to pray, investigate, and get as much info as possible. I am very torn. I grieved for this child, but now feel very little connection to her. I don’t know if it’s fear or trying to protect my heart.

1/28 – Received our fingerprint appointments in the mail. They gave us two separate days! Seriously? I will go with Richard on his day, since it’s sooner and hopefully they will take me then.

1/29 – Richard and I have a conversation about everything and I think he really wants her. He really leaves that part of it up to me because he says once he sees a face, he can’t say “no”. I am just concerned about the physical problems her file says she has. He made me question my hesitancy on her. I am willing to do whatever it is that God wants me to do…even if that means the worst. If it was just me, I might be more inclined to not worry about it. Since we have Wesleigh, it confuses things. Is it really fair to bring home a child that will require so much attention? I don’t know…I wish I had the answers. I hope that if she’s not supposed to be mine, someone else will lock her file. My biggest fear is that I say “no” and nobody else takes her.

2/1- Find out Gwynne’s file has been locked again. I am ok with that. My prayer was that, if she wasn’t mine, she would be locked before I was able to. I feel that this is an answer to prayer and it allows me to move on.

2/7- I get this email from our agency:
"So..... She's back!!!!
I checked a couple times Friday and she wasn't there, but she is this morning! :-)"

Seriously?!?!? Would someone please tell me what is going on with this file?!?!? Honestly, this news is more frustrating to me than joyful. First of all, there is still 11 days before I can lock her file…plenty of time for her to be taken again. Second, I’m kind of detached from her. I can’t really figure out if I’m just trying to protect myself from getting hurt, or if I don’t feel like she’s mine. I am still praying that her family will find her before the 18th if she’s not supposed to be mine. I’m still waiting on the additional information from the CCAA…just in case. I would also like to know what has changed these families’ minds both times.


OK...I'll need one more post to finish. I'm not trying to drag it out...just trying to not make crazy long posts!